


Calling Shotgun

by FollowerofMercy



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: BAMF Vidalia, Camping, Gen, Guns, Post-Steven Universe Future, Sour Cream and Yellowtail are present but have no lines, Swearing, just once, milf vidalia, shitpost, surprise violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23609965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FollowerofMercy/pseuds/FollowerofMercy
Summary: One of those silly ideas that wouldn't leave me alone until I at least shitposted. Have Vidalia with a gun. Go on. Cherish and fear her.
Relationships: Amethyst & Vidalia, Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Onion & Vidalia (Steven Universe), Steven Universe & Vidalia
Comments: 12
Kudos: 29





	Calling Shotgun

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to write a very serious story about humans being outclassed by gems in every way and I suddenly remembered that guns exist

It was a beautiful, totally peaceful day with friends.

Steven lounged next to Connie and stroked her hair while Onion sat in Vidalia’s lap. Sour Cream beatboxed with his stepdad on the other side of the picnic bench. Amethyst stuffed a handle of acorns from the ground into her mouth, chatting around them as the happy group enjoyed their vacation.

“Thanks for letting me crash your family vacation, Vidalia!”

She smiled and pet Onion’s head, who murmured into her stomach. “No problem. Not like you can make the trip anymore chaotic.” She leaned forward and propped a hand on her palm. “We should thank Steven for letting us barge in on his roadtrip.” 

He grinned. “It’s nice to see you guys again.”

“Yeah, it’s been aaages since I’ve seen you.” Amethyst held the back of her hand to her forehead. “Like. A whole month. Your dad sucks at videogames, by the way.”

The group chattered for a bit, sharing happy gossip from Beach City and the new tidbits Steven had found on his travels. Eventually Vidalia tucked Onion under her arm and returned to their vehicle parked on the side of the road, mumbling something about getting snacks.

“So… Amethyst. Where do you sit in the car?” Connie asked.

“Whaddya mean?”

“Well, there’s five seats.”

“Oh they just strapped me to the roof.” She pulled her whip out and snapped it, wiggling an eyebrow as she did. “Yellowtail can tie a mean knot. Ha, I stayed on even when the popo tried to pull us over.” She snapped fingerguns at her. “Key word, _tried._ ”

Steven sighed. “You didn’t run away from the police again, did you?”

“I ain’t no snitch.”

Connie cut their laughter short when she snapped up at the sudden, loud movement from the underbrush. Steven followed her lead, standing at the ready.

A massive, four-legged, many tongued corrupted gem busted out of the woods. It managed three bounds before it plowed face-first into a pink wall.

Sour Cream and Yellowtail screamed and ran behind Steven and Connie. The monster snarled and backed up, then rammed into the wall Steven threw up around their table. It hissed and took a step back while Amethyst whooped.

“Awww yeah. Time for some fun!” Amethyst crowed and twirled her whip. “VIDALIA! WATCH THIS!”

Steven tried to stop her before she jumped over his wall and threw a messy strike at the creature. It stepped back as she landed, then swiped at her head. She ducked and dodged, then went to whip it again.

It caught the rope in its mouth.

“Uh oh.”

Amethyst smacked against a tree and slid down. The monster turned back to face the rest of them, its gaze settling on the sedan parked in the back while its tail lashed.

Amethyst rushed to tackle it, her arms meeting empty air as it jumped over the picnic table and Steven’s wall. It made a beeline for the car, paws thudding loud on the forest floor.

Onion watched calmly from his seat at his mother’s feet. Vidalia continued to rummage in the back of her car as it approached.

“NO!” Amethyst, Steven and Connie yelled together, all three of them rushing to catch up.

The monster reared for a massive strike, both front paws over its head. Onion smirked. Vidalia straightened.

A deafening _bang_ echoed through the clearing and the gem monster toppled backwards, its keen of pain drowning out the metallic sound that followed.

Another bang. The trio skidded to a halt and clapped their hands over their ears as Vidalia took a step through the dust cloud, a shotgun in a loose grip at her hip. She racked it with practiced ease.

The monster snarled and rolled to its feet, went to snap at her head. She fired again.

There was a spray of light and smoke as it fell on its side, a gaping hole in its forehead. Connie gagged.

Vidalia took another step forward and stepped on its chest, then shoved the barrel down its slack maw. She pulled the trigger and the monster exploded in a puff of smoke.

Vidalia pushed a flyaway hair back in place and shouldered her gun, a small smile on her lips while Onion scurried at her feet. He shoved the gem in his pocket before making uppy hands at his mother.

She turned to Steven, who summoned a shield on reflex. Connie and Amethyst hudded behind it as she swung the gun to face them.

“Are you guys alright?” Vidalia asked.

Him and Connie simply nodded, but Amethyst let her jaw hit the ground. “VIDALIA, WHAT THE FUCK?!!”

They spent the next hour convincing Onion to give up his prize, clean up the aftermath and try to ignore Vidalia as she toted the shotgun around for the rest of the visit. They went their separate ways none too soon. Amethyst stared wide-eyed from the top of the sedan, mouthing goodbyes and silent pleas. Steven and Connie went on to the motel, both vowing to never mess with the onion children and grateful that Vidalia was on their side.


End file.
